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Proclivities | Mormon Monday

About Mormon Underwear

Mormons wear protective underwear that allegedly keep them safe from physical harm and spiritual harm (the buffetings of Satan). For me (and my underwear fetish), they just gave me boners.

Guides & Resources

Reference Material Regarding Holy Mormon Undies

FAQ

Can I purchase garments?

You must find a mormon to do it for you. At Beehive Clothing stores in the Intermountain West, you must show a card that proves you live the rules of the church. If ordering online, you must have a Member ID and completed the rituals Mormons do inside their temples.

Can you purchase garments for me?

Yes. A single set of garments is $15 dollars. To order, contact me with one of these methods. You will need to provide me the following:

  • Your name and shipping address.
  • Your Paypal account for invoicing.
  • Your desired underwear choice(s).
  • Your height as well as the length preference (some garments are made longer for tall guys and shorter for short guys).
  • Your chest size. T-shirts and boxers / boxer-briefs come in XS, S, M, L, XL, 2XL, 3XL, 4XL. One piece come in size 36 - 54.
  • [Optional] Your cock pic (preferable hard or soft with ejaculate). Bonus if you send a second pic after of you wearing or fucking in your Gs.
What size and style should I buy?

Size depends on your desired fit. T-shirts and boxers come in XS, S, M, L, XL, 2XL, 3XL, 4XL. One piece garments come in sizes 36 to 54, which is your chest size.

Some models come in Short or Tall stature. This makes sure the garment is long enough to cover just to the knee.

If you are purchasing for perverted reasons, the one peice garmets are most iconic and most culty. They also make fucking a little easier than the brief styles with T-shirts.

If you are purchasing to sacrelidge and lampoon Mormons, you might try the two peice style. I use the Short Stature G style as compression shorts under my gym shorts. I make sure they are exposed to give the church a big "Fuck You".

Photos of the available styles are in the catalog section of Gallery G below. These images are taken directly from the LDS store.

What kind of fabrics are available?

There are various fabrics used, including:

  • Corban | A silk-like feeling
  • Nylon Mesh | Mesh with moderate silk-like feeling
  • Cotton Poly Blend | A 60/40 blend with traditional cotton feel
  • 100% Cotton | Traditional cotton feeling
  • Cotton Stretch | Form contouring cotton blend
Why are they called Magic Underwear?

Mormon mythology from the Brighamite settlements along the Wasatch Front is rich with stories about how Gs protected members from physical or spiritual harm:

  • I recall hearing stories about chainsaw blades getting caught in the underwear and not penetrating the skin. I've also heard stories where there was no damage to the skin that was covered by Gs during motorcycle accidents and fires/burns.
  • Other stories explain how they provide spiritual protection when the evil buffetings have carried you to the point of fornication or adultery. As a mormon strips to put his prick inside a cavern, he sees his Gs and is magically able to resist the call of the hole. He will dress and leave without doing naughty things.

To me, they are magical because they give me hard erections.

What do the embroidered markings on Mormon underwear mean or symbolize.

There are four markings on the underwear—three on the torso and one on the right knee. Each has a separate shape and meaning:

  • Right Knee | A small horizontal line, usually about a cm in length. It seems that this marking has always been associated with this phrase "every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus is the Christ."
  • Navel | A small horizontal line, usually about a cm in length. The temple language itself indicates that this symbol suggests to the mind the need of constant nourishment to body and spirit; however, early LDS prophets indicated this symbol to mean health in the navel and marrow in the bones. This is just part of a longer saying that ends with "strength in the loins and in the sinews." Essentially, this marking means you are going to throw a good nut. Joseph Smith was a pervert and pedophile and fucked tons of young girls. He confessed to beating off a lot in his youth. Sexual virility was important to him.
  • Right Nipple | A square (∟) about a cm in length and height. It suggests exactness in keeping the rules of god (or the Mormon church). This is a masonic appropriation that Joseph made after joining the local lodge.
  • Left Nipple | Am inverted compass (V) about an cm in height. Temple language indicates that it "suggests to the mind an undeviating course leading to eternal life; a constant reminder that desires, appetites, and passions are to be kept within the bounds the Lord has set; and that all truth may be circumscribed into one great whole." Eternal life was early-Mormon code for polygamous marriage and trying to make fucking around on your wife look moral or right. There are sexual undertones that most mormons no longer associate with the garment.

Why are the garments knee length?

They are as long as they are so that the right knee marking covers the right knee. You can get in trouble for wearing short stature Gs if you are not short.

Why are Gs so fucking ugly?

The Mormon church lacks any gay designers that can update old underwear styling with something new. The pouch doesn't hold a set of balls comfortably and the fly on corban and mesh models allows for a ton of dick slips.

Women with no originality and fifteen very old men who are tied to tradition approve garment styles.

Other Materials

AI created this description of Mormon Undies that gives the coporate line provided by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:

Mormon underwear, also known as temple garments, are a type of undergarment worn by faithful members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. They are similar to undershirts and knee-length briefs, and are usually white in color. Temple garments are worn every day under regular clothing, and are a symbolic reminder of the covenants made during temple ceremonies. They are also seen as a source of protection from evil, and represent a member's commitment to God and to living a good, honorable life.

Helpful Links

The following articles may be useful regarding a Mormon underwear:

Saints Register

Mormon Fisters who have been in the Loins and Sinews of Finn Vortex

ID Initials Date His Role
0127SF10 April 2017Top
0138JA03 August 2017Versatile
0167FS14 November 2017Versatile
0186JN24 February 2018Bottom
0187PG25 February 2018Top
0188BF25 February 2018Top
0189SW25 February 2018Top
0191JW25 February 2018Top
0233JB28 April 2018Top
0292RO23 September 2018Bottom
0293JF23 September 2018Top
0294DP23 September 2018Bottom
0316DP07 December 2018Versatile
0316DP07 December 2018Bottom
0381BM07 June 2019Bottom
0402JM02 July 2019Top
0464KC27 July 2020Versatile
0465PN05 August 2020Top
0466TC13 September 2020Top
0468ME02 October 2020Top
0474GR16 December 2020Versatile
0548MC30 December 2021Versatile
0549JM31 December 2021Versatile
0551BS01 January 2022Top
0562PC20 May 2022Versatile
0563CR20 May 2022Versatile
0565JN04 June 2022Versatile
0593BS07 January 2023Top
0618MW16 June 2023Versatile

Holy Erotica

My Horny History the Clothing of the Holy Priesthood

Inside Dad's Underwear Drawer

Recounting dickslips and adolescent boners in Gs.

Chronicles & Diary

Blog Regarding the Ramblings of Finn Vortex about Garments

Diary | 16 October 2023

Another day in a one peice tight cotton. Unless anything extra-ordinary occurs, diary entries will be limited.

Chronicles | Linguistic Oddities: Garments or Garmets

Compliance Log

Log of Weekly Garment Wear

Date Make Material Compliance
30 October 2023 One Piece Corban
23 October 2023 One Piece Cotton
23 October 2023 Two Piece Cotton
16 October 2023 One Piece Cotton
09 October 2023 One Piece Corban
02 October 2023 Two Piece Nylon Mesh

Inventory & Collections

Current Inventory of Garments

Style Material Size Aquisition Source Cost
One Piece Union   Cotton 48 01 February 1993 Abandoned (Missionary) $00.00
Two Piece   Cotton Poly Medium 01 May 2018 Ex-mormon Reddit $00.00
One Piece   Cotton Poly 42 01 July 2019 Distrubution Center $09.00
One Piece   Corban 42 01 July 2019 Distrubution Center $09.00
One Piece   Cotton Poly 38 01 November 2022 Distrubution Center $09.00
One Piece   Corban 38 01 November 2022 Distrubution Center $09.00
Two Piece   Cotton Poly Medium 01 November 2022 Distribution Center $09.00
Two Piece   Nylon Mesh Medium 01 November 2022 Distribution Center $09.00
Two Piece   Nylon Mesh Medium 01 November 2022 Distribution Center $09.00

Wish List

Items I'd Like to Add to My Priesthood Undies Drawer

Apparel
  • Two piece corban (M)
  • Rule of Two: all styles